TECHNICAL THUG: Writes a suite of scripts to monitor

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts CPU usage policy in motd.  Uses

	MANIAC:

1. kill -9 `ps -augxww

	IDIOT:

1. compress -f `ps -augxww

	TECHNICAL THUG: Writes perl script that creates home

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts new account policy in motd.

	MANIAC: "If you're too stupid to break in and create your own

	IDIOT: 

1. cd /home; mkdir "Bob's home directory"
2. echo "Bob Simon:gandalf:0:0::/dev/tty:compress -f" > /etc/passwd

	TECHNICAL THUG: Repairs drive.  Usually is able to repair

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Begins investigation to determine who

	MANIAC, LARGE SYSTEM: Rips drive from system, uses

	MANIAC, SMALL SYSTEM: Rips drive from system, uses ball-peen

	IDIOT: Doesn't notice anything wrong.

	TECHNICAL THUG: Writes scripts to monitor network, then

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts network usage policy in motd.

	MANIAC: Every two hours, pulls ethernet cable from wall and

	IDIOT:

1. compress -f /dev/en0

	TECHNICAL THUG: Hacks the code of emacs' doctor-mode to answer

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts user support policy in motd.

	MANIAC: Screams at users until they go away.  Sometimes

	IDIOT: Answers all questions to best of his knowledge until

	TECHNICAL THUG: Answers question in hex, binary, postfix,

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Locks user's account until user can

	MANIAC:

1. cat >> ~luser/.cshrc

	IDIOT: Answers all questions to best of his knowledge.

	TECHNICAL THUG: Ignores packaged accounting software; trusts

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Devotes 75% of disk space to

	MANIAC:  Laughs fool head off at very mention of accounting.

	IDIOT:

1. lpr /etc/wtmp /usr/adm/paact

	TECHNICAL THUG:  BSD.  Crippled on System V boxes.

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: System V.  Horrified by the people who

	MANIAC: Prefers BSD, but doesn't care as long as HIS processes

	IDIOT:

1. cd c:

	TECHNICAL THUG:  Weeps.

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: AIX-- doesn't much care for the OS,

	MANIAC: System V, but keeps AIX skills up, knowing full well

	IDIOT:  AIX.

	TECHNICAL THUG: Rewrites lpd in FORTH.

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts printer use policy in motd.

	MANIAC: Writes script that kills all the daemons, clears all

	IDIOT:

1. kill -9 /dev/lp ; /dev/lp &

	TECHNICAL THUG: Reads source code of new release, takes only

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Instigates lawsuit against the vendor

	MANIAC:  

1. uptime

1. wall

	IDIOT:

1. dd if=/dev/rmt8 of=/vmunix

	TECHNICAL THUG: Rewrites sendmail.cf from scratch.  Rewrites

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts mail use policy in motd.  Locks

	MANIAC:

1. kill -9 `ps -augxww

	IDIOT:

	TECHNICAL THUG: Writes RDBMS in perl and Smalltalk.  Users

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Oracle.  Users give up and go back to

	MANIAC: Tells the users to use flat files and grep, the way

	IDIOT:

-- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic @@

OTHER GUIDELINES:

	TECHNICAL THUG: Longer than eight kilobytes.  Sources the

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:  Typical lines include:

	MANIAC:  Typical lines include:

	IDIOT:  Typical lines include:

	TECHNICAL THUG: Writes entries for Obsfuscated C contest.

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Bugs office. Audits card-key logs.

	MANIAC: Volunteers at Survival Research Labs. Bugs office.

	IDIOT: Ties shoes.  Maintains COBOL decimal to roman numeral

	TECHNICAL THUG: Drinks "Smart Drinks."  Attends raves. Hangs

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Reads _Readers Digest_ and _Mein

	MANIAC: Reads _Utne Reader_ and _Mein Kampf_.  Faithfully

	IDIOT: Reads _Time_ and _Newsweek_-- and *believes* them.

	TECHNICAL THUG: Clinton, but only because he liked Gore's

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Bush. Possibly Clinton, but only

	MANIAC: Frank Zappa.

	IDIOT: Perot.

	TECHNICAL THUG: Richard Stallman - Larry Wall.

	ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Nixon - Buchanan.

	MANIAC: Frank Zappa.

	IDIOT: Quayle.

-- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic @@

COMPOUND SYSTEM ADMINISTRATORS:

	TECHNICAL FASCIST: Hacks kernel & writes a horde of scripts to

	TECHNICAL MANIAC: Writes scripts that SEEM to be monitoring

	TECHNICAL IDIOT: Writes superuser-run scripts that sooner or

	FASCISTIC MANIAC: At first hint of cracker incursions, whether

	FASCISTIC IDIOT:  

1. cp /dev/null /etc/passwd

	MANIACAL IDIOT:  Napalms the CPU.
							     -Stephan Zielinski

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SysAdminHumor Afficher la révision 5 Difference (entre la révision 5 et la révision actuelle)) (modification mineure) Modifié: 3,5c3 There are four major species of Unix sysad: There are four major species of Unix sysadmin: Modifié: 12c10 HOW TO IDENTIFY YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR: HOW TO IDENTIFY YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR? Modifié: 16c14 :TECHNICAL THUG: Writes a suite of scripts to monitor disk usage, maintain a database of historic disk usage, predict future disk usage via least squares regression analysis, identify users who are more than a standard deviation over the mean, and send mail to the offending parties. Places script in cron. Disk usage does not change, since disk-hogs, by nature, either ignore script-generated mail, or file it away in triplicate. :TECHNICAL THUG Writes a suite of scripts to monitor disk usage, maintain a database of historic disk usage, predict future disk usage via least squares regression analysis, identify users who are more than a standard deviation over the mean, and send mail to the offending parties. Places script in cron. Disk usage does not change, since disk-hogs, by nature, either ignore script-generated mail, or file it away in triplicate. Modifié: 18c16 :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts disk usage policy in motd. Uses disk quotas. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling development work. Locks accounts that go over quota. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST Puts disk usage policy in motd. Uses disk quotas. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling development work. Locks accounts that go over quota. Modifié: 21,22c19,20 # cd /home # rm -rf `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`; # cd /home # rm -rf `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`; Modifié: 24c22 :IDIOT: :IDIOT: Modifié: 26c24,26 # cat `du -s * sort -rn head -1 awk '{ printf "%s/*\n", $2}'` compress # cat `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{ printf "%s/*\n", $2}'` | compress Ajouté: 27a28 SITUATION: Excessive CPU usage. Modifié: 29c30 SITUATION: Excessive CPU usage. ---------------- :TECHNICAL THUG: Writes a suite of scripts to monitor processes, maintain a database of CPU usage, identify processes more than a standard deviation over the norm, and renice offending processes. Places script in cron. Ends up renicing the production database into oblivion, bringing operations to a grinding halt, much to the delight of the xtrek freaks. Modifié: 31,41c32 TECHNICAL THUG: Writes a suite of scripts to monitor processes, maintain a database of CPU usage, identify processes more than a standard deviation over the norm, and renice offending processes. Places script in cron. Ends up renicing the production database into oblivion, bringing operations to a grinding halt, much to the delight of the xtrek freaks. ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts CPU usage policy in motd. Uses CPU quotas. Locks accounts that go over quota. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling development work, much to the delight of the xtrek freaks. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts CPU usage policy in motd. Uses CPU quotas. Locks accounts that go over quota. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling development work, much to the delight of the xtrek freaks. Modifié: 43,44c34,40 MANIAC: # kill -9 `ps -augxww sort -rn +8 -9 head -1 awk '{print $2}'` :MANIAC: # kill -9 `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'` :IDIOT: # compress -f `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'` Modifié: 46,47c42 IDIOT: # compress -f `ps -augxww sort -rn +8 -9 head -1 awk '{print $2}'` Ajouté: 48a44 SITUATION: New account creation. Modifié: 50c46 SITUATION: New account creation. ---------------- :TECHNICAL THUG: Writes perl script that creates home directory, copies in incomprehensible default environment, and places entries in /etc/passwd, /etc/shadow, and /etc/group. (By hand, NOT with passmgmt.) Slaps on setuid bit; tells a nearby secretary to handle new accounts. Usually, said secretary is still dithering over the difference between 'enter' and 'return'; and so, no new accounts are ever created. Modifié: 52,58c48 TECHNICAL THUG: Writes perl script that creates home directory, copies in incomprehensible default environment, and places entries in /etc/passwd, /etc/shadow, and /etc/group. (By hand, NOT with passmgmt.) Slaps on setuid bit; tells a nearby secretary to handle new accounts. Usually, said secretary is still dithering over the difference between 'enter' and 'return'; and so, no new accounts are ever created. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts new account policy in motd. Since people without accounts cannot read the motd, nobody ever fulfills the bureaucratic requirements; and so, no new accounts are ever created. Modifié: 60,63c50 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts new account policy in motd. Since people without accounts cannot read the motd, nobody ever fulfills the bureaucratic requirements; and so, no new accounts are ever created. :MANIAC: "If you're too stupid to break in and create your own account, I don't want you on the system. We've got too many goddamn sh*t-for-brains a**holes on this box anyway." Modifié: 65,67c52,54 MANIAC: "If you're too stupid to break in and create your own account, I don't want you on the system. We've got too many goddamn sh*t-for-brains a**holes on this box anyway." :IDIOT: # cd /home; mkdir "Bob's home directory" # echo "Bob Simon:gandalf:0:0::/dev/tty:compress -f" > /etc/passwd Modifié: 69,71c56 IDIOT: # cd /home; mkdir "Bob's home directory" # echo "Bob Simon:gandalf:0:0::/dev/tty:compress -f" > /etc/passwd Ajouté: 72a58 SITUATION: Root disk fails. Modifié: 74c60 SITUATION: Root disk fails. ---------------- :TECHNICAL THUG: Repairs drive. Usually is able to repair filesystem from boot monitor. Failing that, front-panel toggles microkernel in and starts script on neighboring machine to load binary boot code into broken machine, reformat and reinstall OS. Lets it run over the weekend while he goes mountain climbing. Modifié: 76,80c62 TECHNICAL THUG: Repairs drive. Usually is able to repair filesystem from boot monitor. Failing that, front-panel toggles microkernel in and starts script on neighboring machine to load binary boot code into broken machine, reformat and reinstall OS. Lets it run over the weekend while he goes mountain climbing. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Begins investigation to determine who broke the drive. Refuses to fix system until culprit is identified and charged for the equipment. Modifié: 82,84c64 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Begins investigation to determine who broke the drive. Refuses to fix system until culprit is identified and charged for the equipment. :MANIAC, LARGE SYSTEM: Rips drive from system, uses sledgehammer to smash same to flinders. Calls manufacturer, threatens pets. Abuses field engineer while they put in a new drive and reinstall the OS. Modifié: 86,92c66 MANIAC, LARGE SYSTEM: Rips drive from system, uses sledgehammer to smash same to flinders. Calls manufacturer, threatens pets. Abuses field engineer while they put in a new drive and reinstall the OS. MANIAC, SMALL SYSTEM: Rips drive from system, uses ball-peen hammer to smash same to flinders. Calls Requisitions, threatens pets. Abuses bystanders while putting in new drive and reinstalling OS. :MANIAC, SMALL SYSTEM: Rips drive from system, uses ball-pen hammer to smash same to flinders. Calls Requisitions, threatens pets. Abuses bystanders while putting in new drive and reinstalling OS. Modifié: 94c68 IDIOT: Doesn't notice anything wrong. :IDIOT: Doesn't notice anything wrong. Ajouté: 95a70 Modifié: 97c72 SITUATION: Poor network response. ---------------- SITUATION: Poor network response. Modifié: 99,101c74 TECHNICAL THUG: Writes scripts to monitor network, then rewires entire machine room, improving response time by 2%. Shrugs shoulders, says, "I've done all I can do," and goes mountain climbing. :TECHNICAL THUG: Writes scripts to monitor network, then rewires entire machine room, improving response time by 2%. Shrugs shoulders, says, "I've done all I can do," and goes mountain climbing. Modifié: 103,105c76 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts network usage policy in motd. Calls up Berkeley and AT&T, badgers whoever answers for network quotas. Tries to get xtrek freaks fired. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts network usage policy in motd. Calls up Berkeley and AT&T, badgers whoever answers for network quotas. Tries to get xtrek freaks fired. Modifié: 107,108c78 MANIAC: Every two hours, pulls ethernet cable from wall and waits for connections to time out. :MANIAC: Every two hours, pulls ethernet cable from wall and waits for connections to time out. Modifié: 110,111c80,81 IDIOT: # compress -f /dev/en0 :IDIOT: # compress -f /dev/en0 Ajouté: 112a83 Modifié: 114c85 SITUATION: User questions. ---------------- SITUATION: User questions. Modifié: 116,118c87 TECHNICAL THUG: Hacks the code of emacs' doctor-mode to answer new users questions. Doesn't bother to tell people how to start the new "guru-mode", or for that matter, emacs. :TECHNICAL THUG: Hacks the code of emacs' doctor-mode to answernew users questions. Doesn't bother to tell people how to start the new "guru-mode", or for that matter, emacs. Modifié: 120,122c89 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts user support policy in motd. Maintains queue of questions. Answers them when he gets a chance, often within two weeks of receipt of the proper form. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts user support policy in motd. Maintains queue of questions. Answers them when he gets a chance, often within two weeks of receipt of the proper form. Modifié: 124,125c91 MANIAC: Screams at users until they go away. Sometimes barters knowledge for powerful drink and/or sycophantic adulation. :MANIAC: Screams at users until they go away. Sometimes arters knowledge for powerful drink and/or sycophantic adulation. Modifié: 127,128c93 IDIOT: Answers all questions to best of his knowledge until the user realizes few UNIX systems support punched cards or JCL. :IDIOT: Answers all questions to best of his knowledge untilthe user realizes few UNIX systems support punched cards or JCL. Ajouté: 129a95 Modifié: 131c97 SITUATION: *Stupid* user questions. ---------------- SITUATION: *Stupid* user questions. Modifié: 133,134c99 TECHNICAL THUG: Answers question in hex, binary, postfix, and/or French until user gives up and goes away. :TECHNICAL THUG: Answers question in hex, binary, postfix, nd/or French until user gives up and goes away. Modifié: 136,138c101 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Locks user's account until user can present documentation demonstrating their qualification to use the machine. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Locks user's account until user canpresent documentation demonstrating their qualification to use the machine. Modifié: 140,143c103,104 MANIAC: # cat >> ~luser/.cshrc alias vi 'rm \!*;unalias vi;grep -v BoZo? ~/.cshrc > ~/.z; mv -f ~/.z ~/.cshrc' ^D :MANIAC: # cat >> ~luser/.cshrc alias vi 'rm \!*;unalias vi;grep -v BoZo? ~/.cshrc > ~/.z; mv -f ~/.z ~/.cshrc' ^D Modifié: 145,146c106 IDIOT: Answers all questions to best of his knowledge. Recruits user to system administration team. :IDIOT: Answers all questions to best of his knowledge. Recruits user to system administration team. Ajouté: 147a108 Modifié: 149c110 SITUATION: Process accounting management. ---------------- SITUATION: Process accounting management. Modifié: 151,152c112 TECHNICAL THUG: Ignores packaged accounting software; trusts scripts to sniff out any problems & compute charges. :TECHNICAL THUG: Ignores packaged accounting software; trusts scripts to sniff out any problems & compute charges. Modifié: 154,155c114 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Devotes 75% of disk space to accounting records owned by root and chmod'ed 000. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Devotes 75% of disk space to accounting records owned by root and chmod'ed 000. Modifié: 157c116 MANIAC: Laughs fool head off at very mention of accounting. :MANIAC: Laughs fool head off at very mention of accounting. Modifié: 159,160c118,119 IDIOT: # lpr /etc/wtmp /usr/adm/paact :IDIOT: # lpr /etc/wtmp /usr/adm/paact Ajouté: 161a121 Modifié: 163c123 SITUATION: Religious war, BSD vs. System V. ---------------- SITUATION: Religious war, BSD vs. System V. Modifié: 165c125 TECHNICAL THUG: BSD. Crippled on System V boxes. :TECHNICAL THUG: BSD. Crippled on System V boxes. Modifié: 167,168c127 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: System V. Horrified by the people who use BSD. Places frequent calls to DEA. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: System V. Horrified by the people who use BSD. Places frequent calls to DEA. Modifié: 170,171c129 MANIAC: Prefers BSD, but doesn't care as long as HIS processes run quickly. :MANIAC: Prefers BSD, but doesn't care as long as HIS processes run quickly. Modifié: 173,174c131,132 IDIOT: # cd c: :IDIOT: # cd c: Ajouté: 175a134 Modifié: 177c136 SITUATION: Religious war, System V vs. AIX ---------------- SITUATION: Religious war, System V vs. AIX Modifié: 179c138 TECHNICAL THUG: Weeps. :TECHNICAL THUG: Weeps. Modifié: 181,182c140 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: AIX-- doesn't much care for the OS, but loves the jackboots. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: AIX-- doesn't much care for the OS, but loves the jackboots. Modifié: 184,185c142 MANIAC: System V, but keeps AIX skills up, knowing full well how much Big Financial Institutions love IBM... :MANIAC: System V, but keeps AIX skills up, knowing full well how much Big Financial Institutions love IBM... Modifié: 187c144 IDIOT: AIX. :IDIOT: AIX. Ajouté: 188a146 Modifié: 190c148 SITUATION: Balky printer daemons. ---------------- SITUATION: Balky printer daemons. Modifié: 192c150 TECHNICAL THUG: Rewrites lpd in FORTH. :TECHNICAL THUG: Rewrites lpd in FORTH. Modifié: 194,196c152 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts printer use policy in motd. Calls customer support every time the printer freezes. Tries to get user who submitted the most recent job fired. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts printer use policy in motd. Calls customer support every time the printer freezes. Tries to get user who submitted the most recent job fired. Modifié: 198,200c154 MANIAC: Writes script that kills all the daemons, clears all the print queues, and maybe restarts the daemons. Runs it once a hour from cron. :MANIAC: Writes script that kills all the daemons, clears all the print queues, and maybe restarts the daemons. Runs it once a hour from cron. Modifié: 202,203c156,157 IDIOT: # kill -9 /dev/lp ; /dev/lp & :IDIOT: # kill -9 /dev/lp ; /dev/lp & Ajouté: 204a159 Modifié: 206c161 SITUATION: OS upgrade. ---------------- SITUATION: OS upgrade. Modifié: 208,209c163 TECHNICAL THUG: Reads source code of new release, takes only what he likes. :TECHNICAL THUG: Reads source code of new release, takes only what he likes. Modifié: 211,212c165 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Instigates lawsuit against the vendor for having shipped a product with bugs in it in the first place. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Instigates lawsuit against the vendor for having shipped a product with bugs in it in the first place. Modifié: 214,220c167,173 MANIAC: # uptime 1:33pm up 19 days, 22:49, 167 users, load average: 6.49, 6.45, 6.31 # wall Well, it's upgrade time. Should take a few hours. And good luck on that 5:00 deadline, guys! We're all pulling for you! ^D :MANIAC: # uptime 1:33pm up 19 days, 22:49, 167 users, load average: 6.49, 6.45, 6.31 # wall Well, it's upgrade time. Should take a few hours. And good luck on that 5:00 deadline, guys! We're all pulling for you! ^D Modifié: 222,223c175,176 IDIOT: # dd if=/dev/rmt8 of=/vmunix :IDIOT: # dd if=/dev/rmt8 of=/vmunix Ajouté: 224a178 Modifié: 226c180 SITUATION: Balky mail. ---------------- SITUATION: Balky mail. Modifié: 228,231c182 TECHNICAL THUG: Rewrites sendmail.cf from scratch. Rewrites sendmail in SNOBOL. Hacks kernel to implement file locking. Hacks kernel to implement "better" semaphores. Rewrites sendmail in assembly. Hacks kernel to . . . :TECHNICAL THUG: Rewrites sendmail.cf from scratch. Rewrites sendmail in SNOBOL. Hacks kernel to implement file locking. Hacks kernel to implement "better" semaphores. Rewrites sendmail in assembly. Hacks kernel to ... Modifié: 233,235c184 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts mail use policy in motd. Locks accounts that go over mail use quota. Keeps quota low enough that people go back to interoffice mail, thus solving problem. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts mail use policy in motd. Locks accounts that go over mail use quota. Keeps quota low enough that people go back to interoffice mail, thus solving problem. Modifié: 237,245c186,194 MANIAC: # kill -9 `ps -augxww grep sendmail awk '{print $2}'` # rm -f /usr/spool/mail/* # wall Mail is down. Please use interoffice mail until we have it back up. ^D # write max I've got my boots and backpack. Ready to leave for Mount Tam? ^D :MANIAC: # kill -9 `ps -augxww | grep sendmail | awk '{print $2}'` # rm -f /usr/spool/mail/* # wall Mail is down. Please use interoffice mail until we have it back up. ^D # write max I've got my boots and backpack. Ready to leave for Mount Tam? ^D Modifié: 247,248c196,197 IDIOT: # echo "HELP!" mail tech_support.AT.vendor.com%kremvax%bitnet!BIFF2014-12-22 22:14:09 :IDIOT: # echo "HELP!" | mail tech_support.AT.vendor.com%kremvax%bitnet!BIFF2014-12-22 22:14:09 Ajouté: 249a199 Modifié: 251c201 SITUATION: Users want phone list application. ---------------- SITUATION: Users want phone list application. Modifié: 253,254c203 TECHNICAL THUG: Writes RDBMS in perl and Smalltalk. Users give up and go back to post-it notes. :TECHNICAL THUG: Writes RDBMS in perl and Smalltalk. Users give up and go back to post-it notes. Modifié: 256,257c205 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Oracle. Users give up and go back to post-it notes. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Oracle. Users give up and go back to post-it notes. Modifié: 259,261c207 MANIAC: Tells the users to use flat files and grep, the way God meant man to keep track of phone numbers. Users give up and go back to post-it notes. :MANIAC: Tells the users to use flat files and grep, the way God meant man to keep track of phone numbers. Users give up and go back to post-it notes. Modifié: 263,264c209,210 IDIOT: % dd ibs=80 if=/dev/rdisk001s7 grep "Fred" :IDIOT: % dd ibs=80 if=/dev/rdisk001s7 | grep "Fred" Ajouté: 265a212 Modifié: 267c214 -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic @@ OTHER GUIDELINES: Effacé: 269d215 OTHER GUIDELINES: Ajouté: 270a217 TYPICAL ROOT .cshrc FILE: Modifié: 272c219 TYPICAL ROOT .cshrc FILE: ---------------- :TECHNICAL THUG: Longer than eight kilobytes. Sources the output of a perl script, rewrites itself. Modifié: 274,275c221,223 TECHNICAL THUG: Longer than eight kilobytes. Sources the output of a perl script, rewrites itself. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Typical lines include: umask 777 alias cd 'cd \!*; rm -rf ching *hack mille omega rogue xtrek >& /dev/null &' Modifié: 277,279c225,229 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Typical lines include: umask 777 alias cd 'cd \!*; rm -rf ching *hack mille omega rogue xtrek >& /dev/null &' :MANIAC: Typical lines include: alias rm 'rm -rf \!*' alias hose kill -9 '`ps -augxww | grep \!* | awk \'{print $2}\'`' alias kill 'kill -9 \!* ; kill -9 \!* ; kill -9 \!*' alias renice 'echo Renice\? You must mean kill -9.; kill -9 \!*' Modifié: 281,285c231,236 MANIAC: Typical lines include: alias rm 'rm -rf \!*' alias hose kill -9 '`ps -augxww grep \!* awk \'{print $2}\'`' alias kill 'kill -9 \!* ; kill -9 \!* ; kill -9 \!*' alias renice 'echo Renice\? You must mean kill -9.; kill -9 \!*' :IDIOT: Typical lines include: alias dir ls alias era rm alias kitty cat alias process_table ps setenv DISPLAY vt100 Modifié: 287,292c238 IDIOT: Typical lines include: alias dir ls alias era rm alias kitty cat alias process_table ps setenv DISPLAY vt100 Ajouté: 293a240 HOBBIES, TECHNICAL: Modifié: 295c242 HOBBIES, TECHNICAL: ---------------- :TECHNICAL THUG: Writes entries for Obsfuscated C contest. Optimizes INTERCAL scripts. Maintains ENIAC emulator. Virtual reality . Modifié: 297,299c244 TECHNICAL THUG: Writes entries for Obsfuscated C contest. Optimizes INTERCAL scripts. Maintains ENIAC emulator. Virtual reality . :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Bugs office. Audits card-key logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone conversations. Listens to police band. Modifié: 301,303c246 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Bugs office. Audits card-key logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone conversations. Listens to police band. :MANIAC: Volunteers at Survival Research Labs. Bugs office. Edits card-key logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone conversations. Jams police band. Modifié: 305,307c248 MANIAC: Volunteers at Survival Research Labs. Bugs office. Edits card-key logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone conversations. Jams police band. :IDIOT: Ties shoes. Maintains COBOL decimal to roman numeral converter. Rereads flowcharts from his salad days at Rand. Modifié: 309,310c250 IDIOT: Ties shoes. Maintains COBOL decimal to roman numeral converter. Rereads flowcharts from his salad days at Rand. Ajouté: 311a252 HOBBIES, NONTECHNICAL: Modifié: 313c254 HOBBIES, NONTECHNICAL: ---------------- :TECHNICAL THUG: Drinks "Smart Drinks." Attends raves. Hangs out at poetry readings and Whole Earth Review events and tries to pick up Birkenstock MOTAS. Modifié: 315,317c256 TECHNICAL THUG: Drinks "Smart Drinks." Attends raves. Hangs out at poetry readings and Whole Earth Review events and tries to pick up Birkenstock MOTAS. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Reads _Readers Digest_ and _Mein Kampf_. Sometimes turns up car radio and sings along to John Denver. Golfs. Drinks gin martinis. Hangs out in yuppie bars and tries to pick up dominatrixes. Modifié: 319,322c258 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Reads _Readers Digest_ and _Mein Kampf_. Sometimes turns up car radio and sings along to John Denver. Golfs. Drinks gin martinis. Hangs out in yuppie bars and tries to pick up dominatrixes. :MANIAC: Reads _Utne Reader_ and _Mein Kampf_. Faithfully attends Dickies and Ramones concerts. Punches out people who say "virtual reality." Drinks damn near anything, but favors Wild Turkey, Black Bush, and grain alcohol. Hangs out in neighborhood bars and tries to pick up MOTAS by drinking longshoremen under the table . Modifié: 324,328c260 MANIAC: Reads _Utne Reader_ and _Mein Kampf_. Faithfully attends Dickies and Ramones concerts. Punches out people who say "virtual reality." Drinks damn near anything, but favors Wild Turkey, Black Bush, and grain alcohol. Hangs out in neighborhood bars and tries to pick up MOTAS by drinking longshoremen under the table . :IDIOT: Reads _Time_ and _Newsweek_-- and *believes* them. Drinks Jagermeister. Tries to pick up close blood relations-- often succeeds, producting next generation of idiots. Modifié: 330,332c262 IDIOT: Reads _Time_ and _Newsweek_-- and *believes* them. Drinks Jagermeister. Tries to pick up close blood relations-- often succeeds, producting next generation of idiots. Ajouté: 333a264 1992 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: Modifié: 335c266 1992 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: ---------------- :TECHNICAL THUG: Clinton, but only because he liked Gore's book. Modifié: 337,338c268 TECHNICAL THUG: Clinton, but only because he liked Gore's book. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Bush. Possibly Clinton, but only because he liked Tipper. Modifié: 340,341c270 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Bush. Possibly Clinton, but only because he liked Tipper. :MANIAC: Frank Zappa. Modifié: 343c272 MANIAC: Frank Zappa. :IDIOT: Perot. Modifié: 345c274 IDIOT: Perot. Ajouté: 346a276 1996 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: Modifié: 348c278 1996 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: ---------------- :TECHNICAL THUG: Richard Stallman - Larry Wall. Modifié: 350c280 TECHNICAL THUG: Richard Stallman - Larry Wall. :ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Nixon - Buchanan. Modifié: 352c282 ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Nixon - Buchanan. :MANIAC: Frank Zappa. Modifié: 354c284 MANIAC: Frank Zappa. :IDIOT: Quayle. Modifié: 356c286 IDIOT: Quayle. Ajouté: 357a288 COMPOUND SYSTEM ADMINISTRATORS: Modifié: 359c290 -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic -- Cmic @@ :TECHNICAL FASCIST: Hacks kernel & writes a horde of scripts to prevent folk from ever using more than their fair share of system resources. Resulting overhead and load brings system to its knees. Modifié: 361c292 COMPOUND SYSTEM ADMINISTRATORS: :TECHNICAL MANIAC: Writes scripts that SEEM to be monitoring the system, but are actually encrypting large lists of passwords. Uses nearby nodes as beta test sites for worms. Ajouté: 362a294 :TECHNICAL IDIOT: Writes superuser-run scripts that sooner or later do an "rm -rf /". Modifié: 364,366c296 TECHNICAL FASCIST: Hacks kernel & writes a horde of scripts to prevent folk from ever using more than their fair share of system resources. Resulting overhead and load brings system to its knees. :FASCISTIC MANIAC: At first hint of cracker incursions, whether real or imagined, shuts down system by triggering water-on-the-brain detectors and Halon system. Modifié: 368,370c298,299 TECHNICAL MANIAC: Writes scripts that SEEM to be monitoring the system, but are actually encrypting large lists of passwords. Uses nearby nodes as beta test sites for worms. :FASCISTIC IDIOT: # cp /dev/null /etc/passwd Modifié: 372,373c301 TECHNICAL IDIOT: Writes superuser-run scripts that sooner or later do an "rm -rf /". :MANIACAL IDIOT: Napalms the CPU. Modifié: 375,377c303 FASCISTIC MANIAC: At first hint of cracker incursions, whether real or imagined, shuts down system by triggering water-on-the-brain detectors and Halon system. Humour by Stephan Zielinski Effacé: 379,380d304 FASCISTIC IDIOT: # cp /dev/null /etc/passwd Modifié: 382,383c306 MANIACAL IDIOT: Napalms the CPU. -Stephan Zielinski Effacé: 385d307 -- Effacé: 397d318 KNOW YOUR UNIX SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR-- A FIELD GUIDE There are four major species of Unix sysad: The TECHNICAL THUG. Usually a systems programmer who has been forced into system administration; writes scripts in a polyglot of the Bourne shell, sed, C, awk, perl, and APL. The ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST. Usually a retentive drone (or rarely, a harridan ex-secretary) who has been forced into system administration. The MANIAC. Usually an aging cracker who discovered that neither the Mossad nor Cuba are willing to pay a living wage for computer espionage. Fell into system administration; occasionally approaches major competitors with indesp schemes. The IDIOT. Usually a cretin, morpohodite, or old COBOL programmer selected to be the system administrator by a committee of cretins, morphodites, and old COBOL programmers. HOW TO IDENTIFY YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR: SITUATION: Low disk space. TECHNICAL THUG: Writes a suite of scripts to monitor disk usage, maintain a database of historic disk usage, predict future disk usage via least squares regression analysis, identify users who are more than a standard deviation over the mean, and send mail to the offending parties. Places script in cron. Disk usage does not change, since disk-hogs, by nature, either ignore script-generated mail, or file it away in triplicate. ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST: Puts disk usage policy in motd. Uses disk quotas. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling development work. Locks accounts that go over quota. MANIAC: # cd /home # rm -rf `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`; IDIOT: # cd /home # cat `du -s *

sort -rn

head -1

awk '{ printf "%s/*\n", $2}'`

compress

sort -rn +8 -9

head -1

awk '{print $2}'`

sort -rn +8 -9

head -1

awk '{print $2}'`

grep sendmail

awk '{print $2}'`

mail tech_support.AT.vendor.com%kremvax%bitnet!BIFF2014-12-22 22:14:09

grep "Fred"

grep \!*

awk \'{print $2}\'`'